Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
