when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
