Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
