Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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