There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
