Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Semen is not good for contacts.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Vodka?
Forever.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
