eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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