we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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