shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
