Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
