I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
