god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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