I'm eating all of the evidence.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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