I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Did I show you my penis last night?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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