You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
