My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
