Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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