dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
