i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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