how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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