you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
