never play flip cup with pint glasses
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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