i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
