she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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