New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
