this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
