im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
