literally had 100 drinks last night.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
