my mouth tastes like poor choices
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
