I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
