He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I AM VODKA MAN
We need a shit load of segways right now
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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