well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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