So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
