the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
