***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
