jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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