I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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