she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
