and i looked up. we had an audience...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
