Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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