so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
