he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
