After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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