watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Randomize
