I should be sponsored by Trojan
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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