I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He? As in you personified your dick?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
