she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
