i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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