I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she pinky promised me she was 18
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
