I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
