brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
