Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
