does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
